Green Smoothie Gripe!

An older man went to dinner; if it weren’t obvious to his party that he was not a vegetarian, it would be. When the waitress came to him for his order, he said I want a steak (I don’t remember the cut, although I really ought to) very rare. The little waitress then asked what kind of vegetable the old man would like with his meal. He leaned in as close as he could to this little waitress, and said “little lady, vegetables are what you feed food.” I love meat, although admittedly, perhaps not as much as the guy in the story, but there is no doubt that I am a carnivore.

My wife is on his little vegetable kick in the last couple of months. I can’t be too upset about it though because I have agreed to the madness that it has become. We have this “ritual” of sorts in the morning where she makes us what is called a “Green Smoothie.” I thought at first maybe this was just some fancy name for a drink somebody came up with to jump on board the green movement bandwagon. While the name may sound as though this is what it is, trust me it is nothing close to that. The idea behind the green smoothie is pretty simple. Get all your vitamins for the day, and then some, in one sitting before you step out your door. Do this and before you know it you will feel better. Sounds simple enough… right?... Well if there was an infomercial for this product, I would hate to be the one to have to drink it over and over again to get it right. First of all, it appears as though it is something that would come out of a baby bottom rather than something I plan to drink in the morning. While I have to admit it has helped me feel better in the last few months, if you were to see me drink these things in the morning you wouldn’t know it.

A green smoothie is a few fruits, perhaps some yogurt and/or juice, and as many “greens” as you can smash into the blender; all blended together in this great looking, make me feel like I’m changing my sons diaper, concoction that you drink. The fruit is the easy part to swallow, what is more difficult is the mixture of vegetables. To get the full benefit, and to be as cost effective (after all… I am a family man in graduate school; and anybody with a family that has ever been to graduate school knows; having a family is a “lifestyle choice” so it is near impossible to get extra money) as possible, you don’t use the same vegetables every day. There are days she mixes in a spring salad, other days where there is an avocado or two. There are other days still where there is raw cabbage. I think I have some of the bad drink days nailed down to when there is raw cabbage… yes you heard right… RAW CABBAGE!!! in the mixture.

I haven’t yet decided what makes it such an “awesome” drink to try to stomach, but there are days I am pretty sure it is the cabbage. To watch me partake of this glorious drink, you would think that it was about to kill me, and that my body was doing everything in its power to expel this vile putrid disgusting liquid from its bowels, and spew every single stinking vegetable back into the depths of the blender from whence they came. To compare it to something that is familiar to some; think about the gallon challenge (where you have a contest with your friends to see how many people can drink one gallon of milk in about one hour and hold it down). Inevitably in that game your body wins out, and you loose the sour milk festering in your stomach. I keep telling myself that my body will eventually concede that I am trying to do something healthy for it, but I am starting to believe that that will NEVER HAPPEN!!