What infertility has given me

Lately I have been reading post about what infertility costs, both emotionally and physically. I have been there, both my heart and my pocketbook have shown a loss, but today I don't want to focus on what it has cost me, even if the costs have been great. Rather than focus on my losses, I would like to focus on what it has given me.

First of all, love and compassion: I do feel that I have always been a loving person, but sometimes I haven't always been able to express it. Infertility has opened a whole new world of people that have struggled with loss. I feel great amounts of love for them in their struggle. I can empathize with the pain and loss in a way I never thought possible.
In addition to the love I feel for others, my love for my family has increased. The love I have for my husband and children have deepened commensurate with the struggles we have been through. I appreciate a husband that can cry and laugh with me. Our love has been strengthened as we long for more children. I truly believe that I have been able to love my children more and appreciate the true gift they are to me. I know how fast a baby grows and changes, and I have been able to heighten my sensitivity to their changes. I appreciate each day they are with me as a gift from God, and the things I do for them as a way to share my love with them.

Second, I have been able to love each stage more intensely. If I had been able to have my children they way I would have wanted, I would have never been able to fully appreciate the terrific two's or the tremendous three's. I would have had another baby to fill my time instead of being able to focus completely on each stage of wonderment and discovery.

Third, pregnancy was not as big as a pain for me. I get incredible sick when pregnant, so sick I hardly am able to enjoy the wonderful miracle growing inside of me. When we had our first child without any struggles I bemoaned each day of morning sickness, and could hardly imagine putting myself through all of it again (even though I planned on more children.) My second pregnancy wasn't without the toilet hugging, but I appreciated it more. I was so in love with the fact I could achieve another pregnancy the inconvenience of being sick, gaining weight, stretch marks, etc. became welcome blessings instead of horrible nuisances.

To say my perspective has been broadened by infertility is an understatement. Would I wish it on anyone else? Not a chance. We all have our challenges in life to overcome, I believe that is why we are here; to learn, grow, and become someone better than we could ever imagine. Am I there yet? Not by a long shot, but I am grateful for a Father in Heaven that is willing to work with me.